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love
November 2009 
Everything I had
Posted on Nov 20th, 2008
by 
Domus Ulixes
Domus Ulixes
For the last few years, all the love, all the things, are gone. Just gone.
And strangely, I had nothing to do with it...
I just cannot imagine, And, might I add, it is perhaps smarter If I didn't, how some person, any person at all, can do something like that.
It is too mean to be a lie, and to real to be a dream.
I am (by now) emotionless, because I simply cannot conceive, that someone would even want to do something like that to anyone.
To, literally, and very profoundly, destroy Everything, seriously everything. While they know, they knew very well, and so did it, entirely and hundred percent intentionally. (and seriously, knowing what I know, it is, and NOTHING people might EVER say to me, will change that. )
I just cannot conceive, but know, now, in the future these people do exist........
Today, the world, has become much more hopeless.......
And seriously........
I can't think of anything more painfull in my life, and considering that it was inflicted, with full intention, I have lost seriously everything. But had nothing to do with it....
And strangely, I had nothing to do with it...
I just cannot imagine, And, might I add, it is perhaps smarter If I didn't, how some person, any person at all, can do something like that.
It is too mean to be a lie, and to real to be a dream.
I am (by now) emotionless, because I simply cannot conceive, that someone would even want to do something like that to anyone.
To, literally, and very profoundly, destroy Everything, seriously everything. While they know, they knew very well, and so did it, entirely and hundred percent intentionally. (and seriously, knowing what I know, it is, and NOTHING people might EVER say to me, will change that. )
I just cannot conceive, but know, now, in the future these people do exist........
Today, the world, has become much more hopeless.......
And seriously........
I can't think of anything more painfull in my life, and considering that it was inflicted, with full intention, I have lost seriously everything. But had nothing to do with it....
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Have you lost your sense of self, ability to breath? Sometimes starting anew is healthy and indicative that we were on the wrong path..The universe sometimes uses coarse and insensitive means to effect needed change. I wish you well!
I haven't lost my sense of self, or the ability to brief, for either one of them, is enough reason for me to no longer be here.
The problem is, nothing is starting anew. It just destroyed I everything I had with one person. And it, mangled my view of humans, I previously didn't think anyone could be so low. Now I know that it is possible.
I am just a little afraid, that it might stain me, for the rest of my life.
There is a school of thought that professes that (without meaning to use cliches) professes that our souls are on a path thru our different lifetimes moving towards perfection, that each lifetime we have the chance to learn lessons that move us closer towards that final cycle. I have found this to be a very good and comfort building idea when I have looked at my life and its ups and downs, and those experienced by my children. I have asked, “why?” why would this have happened to me or to them? When I look at it in these terms it takes the burden off of me..and places it where it belongs…When I have ended romantic relationships in the past I have felt like I was dying and felt very fatalistic..Time has always healed me and enabled me to move on to what is new..I have had to allow myself to grieve, to recognize that I am grieving a loss and to let it run it's course..When I have been in the middle of grieving, it felt like it would never end..but it always does, after running it's course…It's like when you cry or weep deeply….it is very intense but eventually subsides..and you are better for having plummeted to the depths of your emotions and felt what was there..you must often feel pain to get through it. it is important to be kind to yourself during these periods. To put your needs above anyone else's. this is how you rebuilid your sense of self…Be deliberate about taking care of yourself…I have always found that being in nature or in the city with all that it has to offer in walking around, can be helpful in clearing your head and breathing new air. What is the lesson that you must take from what you have been through? Just sit with this..don't try to understand what it is…at this time…plant the seed and move on…it will come to you when you least expect it..and when it does, you will know and recognize it just as if someone walked up to you and said “hey, What's up?” I hope you don't have to continue to interact with the person(s) you have mentioned. If you don't, DON'T! Do not give them anymore power. I've said a lot here…sorry if I went on too long…but I have just been writing what has come up without filtering….Best Regards…
I don't feel pain, Just hate. And it empowers me greatly to an extend I fear myself.
Is this related to a break up?
Yes, but at the moment I have returned to tranquill peace. And have rejoined two old friends.
Excellent!! enjoy yourself…and I wish you all the best in getting through this.